The Q's & A's of a child...

As a single parent, one of the things we fear the most are questions from our kids. Now, later, then, when…

It’s what hits all of us the deepest and our haters use them against us due to ignorance and lack of understanding. The worst one being, “think about your child!”

Fears of being questioned by our own kids, such as “mami, why are you and papi not together?” are also a huge driving force keeping many of us in unhappy marriages. Which, in my opinion, are worse for children than being in single parent households with one happy, fully functioning single parent.

In my house, the questions have come and many more will, I’m sure, and I have to make an attempt to make sense of my actions in a 4 year old’s level of comprehension. Now let’s not be ignorant here, we have to admit our kids know AND understand more than we think they do.

I have always talked to David, whether its him asking or me wanting to know how he feels about our situation. I have come to learn that communication is key and it shouldn’t matter if you’re “boss, in the driver’s seat, captain, or the adult” one should always take in consideration the feelings of the “employee, passenger, commander or the child”.

David will be leaving soon to visit my family in California then from there they will be taking off to El Salvador. I have been asked why am I not going and many other things.

My David understands I am not with his father and I am with someone else but from the jist of it has questions a to why his father isn't near him and it's perfectly understandable..I mean wouldn't you like to know why your father isn't near you? Im going to refrain from stepping in for him and continue to let David wonder until he asks himself. I am sure David will have even more questions to ask when he returns...

Until then let's always try to talk to our kids and hear them out, no matter what the age....Love Nuria

Sleeping like a baby

Sometimes I just want to sit and take in all the beauty and preciousness of my sleeping lil one...
I know he is growing up and I just really want to stare at him and enjoy every moment of being able to look at his precious little baby face, so peacefully sleeping. It's like looking at a sunset, that makes you not want to take your eyes off of it, because you know it will be changing

There is nothing like the loving arms of a mama.

And there is nothing like holding your child, knowing they are safe from the harms of the world, safe from feeling alone, safely resting in the most comfortable place in the world. I hope that when you go to sleep tonight, that you sleep like a baby....and your dreams are filled with peace and comfort like that of being safe in mama's arms....

Huge mama hugs, Nuria

Lee's day off.

I  love when Lee takes off. Makes me happy and feel special. He works a lot and his only day off is Sunday. Today we got up and went for a run...yes...David too believe it or not...

we then headed out to the Lake in Rockwall, TX.. we had lunch at the "Agave" we love going there especially on Thursdays people bring their chairs sit by the water and enjoy live music with drinks and great food. David had the Shrimp Scampi....he only ate the shrimp LOL.

After our lunch we walked over to the fountains there at the Lake. I sat down and watch Lee play with David. David is a water baby. I don't know what it is but he loves the water and so does Lee so needless to say they had loads of fun..Me on the other hand...I have to be the only Hispanic who is afraid of water, I don't even know how to swim -_-

It was a beautiful day, great weather. We then headed out to a park that was mentioned to us by a waitress there at Agave which was okay,,she made it sound like a mini Disneyland LOL...totally not the case when we arrived but we made the best of it we all played "save the princess" princess= me LOL. Finally I think David got tired and asked if it was time to leave so we headed out and stopped at a little shack looking thing where they sold slush. We each got one and sat on the bed of the truck listening to the radio. Good stuff. 

We finally went home around 7 and David took a nap on our way home...Overall we had a great day. He was tired.

A big mess and a rug

Today was and okay day, nothing special David had a really big mess in his room...toys EVERYWHERE. I wish I had taken a picture of it...Of course I cleaned it but I also rearranged his stuff and Lee helped me bring in an extra dresser into his room. He also fixed one of the drawers. His room is quite big the only thing is that I have yet to put up a curtain and we need to change the carpet. OKAY! so that's two things.

We went shopping around for a little bit at Walmart and Target yesterday and I found this Lightning McQueen carpet and I though it would be great to have it in his room in the mean time. It looks great I think Its a nice size and pretty much covers up his play area.

I think I was 14 when I finally got a room to my self. David has his own room and I love that. Having his own space was very important to me. He loves it, everything in it is Disney Cars. I felt BAD when he fist moved in, I thought to myself "he's going to have to sleep by himself, such a big house he's going to be scared to walk around at night" ugh just a list of "what if's" But for the first month I used his baby monitor. LOL I would leave it on ALL night. Lee put a nightlight in the hallway from his room to the kitchen and then of course I ALWAYS leave his Lightning McQueen light on and Lee also bought him a Cars flashlight. That first month he would make his way into our room in the middle of the night and crawl into bed with us. It was very cute but then again it wasn't because he would throw his hand in Lee's face and throw his foot on my stomach. LOL. With time all that changed he's now very comfortable and never leaves his room in the middle of the night.

"Why don't you just call it old?"

LOL those were Davids words when I explained what the word "antique" means. Today was his first time inside an antique store. It was so much fun showing him all kinds of old stuff, some of it wasn't that old. maybe 90's..He was really digging all the cool toys of course. I didn't purchase anything but Lee got some cool stuff. We've been trying to do some interior decorating. We got this really cool painting for the kitchen (my favorite place in the whole house!) I'll have to upload a picture later.

Besides that it was a pretty slow-nothing-to-do day, we stopped by a Starbucks and picked up my favorite "White Mocha" ! I LOVE it! and David enjoyed a hot choco. I think its pretty cute to see a little person holding a Starbucks cup LOL

Sting rays and turtles and chickens, OH My!

Lee took the day off and we all slept in till 11:30 today. It felt AWESOME!!!! lol its not everyday that I get to sleep in you know? the only two day I get to do that is on Thursday and Saturdays and even then I don't. 

We left the house around noon and headed out to Chick-fil-a..its a fast food place that is closed on Sundays, family owned, they sell nuggets and chicken sandwiches and stuff. Its a good fast food place. The catch? NO BEEF! the cows are pretty famous you'll see them on billboards! 

After Chick-fil-a we headed out to the Aquarium. David had so much fun, Lee bought him a cool book-you can write on it and it'll wipe right off. He loves it and its great because it brings numbers and ABC's which he should be learning now that he's going to be starting school. I got him a cool souvenir cup with a swirly straw which was cracked and didn't notice it till after he was almost done with the icee so I ask the man to switch it AND he was nice enough to give him a refill!...the bad part was that I dropped the damn thing and broke of course..so I marched right back up to guy ashamed! "this time it was my fault!" he gave us a new cup! 

We had an awesome time. David enjoyed it and learned a lot. we were there till they closed it down and then came home. We were tired from all he walking. I didn't get too many pictures I only had my phone and I still have to post them on FB. but here's one I though was pretty funny...

lol I made him take a picture next to it...he wasn't too happy about it.

The Story Goes...

There goes my life

David left with my parents when he was 1 yr. and 3 mos. I remember that cold morning as if it was yesterday. My parents had been in town that whole wk. and today was the big day. Not only were they leaving but they were taking my baby with them. I had to be at work that day at 5:15 am. I put on my uniform finished getting ready and picked up David.

When we all walked out the door, immediately, I broke down. It felt horrible. I was so emotional. Even to this day when that date comes around and as I type these words I get a little teary eyed.

As she walked away with David in her arms I remember I slowly fell to my knees and sat on the sidewalk crying watching them drive out of the parking lot thinking there goes my life, my everything. Moments later I stood up I wiped my tears and headed to my car. The last thing I wanted to do was to head to work-at an airport-where I see thousands of kids in a day. But I still went. God that day was so hard.

Seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months went by so slow. They felt like an eternity. Talking to him on the phone every day wasn’t enough. I’d cry myself to sleep every night.  I missed him so much. In the course of three yrs. I spoke to him almost every day, did Skype a couple of times and visited about 6 times.

Changes

Over the next few there were of changes. I was doing a lot better emotionally. I was financially stable. David’s “father” left the picture completely and I was alone.  I had a lot of time to find myself and set goals and take care of business. I was on work mode for the next 2 years. Focused, nothing was stopping me.  School was from 7 a to 12 p, Mon through Fri and work was 12:30 p to 9 p Fri through Tues. Busy much? Oh yes.  Somehow I made it. I lost and made friends along the way.

Psychological Damage

There were a couple of times when I decided to bring David back during those three years but something always came up. I took that as a sign that it was NOT meant to be. Finally the day came when I thought I was okay. I felt as ready as I’d ever be.  I had a house I had the opportunity to stay at home with him and I had my family’s support. I started getting his room ready, everything Cars! And when it was done I packed my bags and left to Cali for a month. Why a month? Picture this:

1. Money and roof over our heads: check 

2. Babysitter for when I return to work: check 

3. Family’s support: check 

4. David’s room: check 

5. Ready for the psychological damage you’re about to do to your son: ???????

Guess it wasn't that easy was it? Major block there. I was scared. My David has been with my mami for three years and even though I visited  and he knows I’m his mami it’s not as easy as “oh okay David pack your Cars bag, it’s time to go sweetie.” How would you feel? I know sure as hell I wouldn’t like it. It’s traumatic. Not having your parents in your life whether it’s for a yr. or forever it traumatizes you. This child here first had to understand “mami and papi aren’t together” then “mami can’t be here with you”. Now it’s “mami is here to take you, and you won’t see us every day from now on” oh for the love of God what’s next?! I was blessed with a smart child. David catches on too quick, he’s very opinionated and isn’t afraid to tell you how he feels. I’ve had numerous conversations with him about the changes he’s had to adapt to and he’s got a lot to say. It wasn’t enough time but I felt it was much better than a week just so he could feel better than “okay” around me. Let’s face it  a month was an eternity  for us when were kids right?

And then there was me. I already had to deal with the guilt of not being in his life for all this time, now to top that off more guilt for taking him out of what he knew was his family. Oh Lord! It’s just a never ending story….

Déjà vu and the 1st Month

So here I am…at LAX Airport with David we’ve already said our good-byes cried our asses off about to board a plane. I know nothing. Even though I was always good about keeping in touch with him, always in the picture just not physically, I knew nothing besides the fact that he loved Cars falls, only falls asleep if you massage his little arms and a few other mental notes I took from mami. It was like having a baby all over again. Except this baby talked, was about 2 ½ ft.  tall and was a lot heavier to carry than your average newborn.

We got home and he was excited to see his room and play with Killer and Copper. Everything was Gravy! I didn’t want him sleeping alone the first night. I slept with him for the first week. The first month was hard I’m not going to Lie. I had mami on speed-dial he had night when he wanted to sleep alone and then there were those night that he would cry and tell me he missed “mom” (mami) and “Kinga” (papi) I’d stay up for hours with him because he couldn’t sleep. Sometimes all he needed was to hear their voice. It was hard, he wasn’t eating right I had him on Pediasure with Cars vitamin gummies. I was HAPPY if he ate McDonalds. That’s how bad it was. There were nights I would stress…I lost 15 lbs. the first month for me that’s a lot because I’m skinny already. I couldn’t sleep and I felt guilty I was second guessing myself. We hit our 2 month mark and we started doing a lot better. He now sleeps alone prefers to do everything alone which you know for me it’s hard because I want to baby him but NOT because I feel guilty. Its natural a mom always wants to baby her baby. Most importantly he’s happy and he tells me all the time.

As for my family they took it a lot better than I expected especially mami. We hope she can visit soon because it’s now been a few months since he moved here.

Today

When David left one of the ways I coped was writing. I kept a journal of my life. Kind of like a “while you were gone” sort of thing. This here is kind of the same, of course there will be a little of everything and I might post every other day, every day, up to 3 times a day who knows…stay tuned.